In response to this sentence, "am not yet prepared for the spiritual path to find out who I am"–the ego is never ready. I wouldn't worry too much about the hallunicinations and what not. There's a lot of nonsense out there on the web. The spiritual path is generally a very quiet and slow path. The big moments are just what people talk about, and as I just said, some of it is nonsense.

I would encourage you to focus on your spiritual practice more than reading. You don't need a ton of ideas.

You can start by developing a daily silent meditation practice and working your way up to 30 minutes for a sitting.

I also recommend practicing staying as awareness:

Staying as Awareness Video

I'm the person who commented about the pear tree. Thank you so much for your response; it was a nice reminder that I can start right where I am.

I apologize for the pear tree comment – it seems I can't find it on your blog post, as I must have read it somewhere else. I've read so many spiritual blogs and books the ideas are starting to merge and become so confusing.

Perhaps the impetus of my question can be summed up by a Tibetan meditation master who once gave a talk to a bunch of people new to the spiritual path. He told them, "My suggestion to you is that you go home. It is a lot more difficult than you know when you begin. Once you start, it is also difficult to stop. So my suggestion to you is not to begin. Best not to start at all. But if you do start, then it is best to finish."

This sentiment underlies a lot of your blog posts. I feel like I've come to realize that I will not be saved by worldly success or relationships, and I'm feeling so much loss and apathy but am not yet prepared for the spiritual path to find out who I am- I've read so much about hallucinations and insomnia and body convulsions and demons. I just do not think I can handle that, as I'm still too afraid to let my parents know I'm a vegan because I'm afraid they'll think I'm weird. I'm just trying to decide what to make a commitment to.

Thanks to your response and post here (https://www.spiritualawakeningprocess.com/2015/09/how-to-start-your-spiritual-journey.html) I think I need to spend some time away from reading spiritual blogs and books and try to figure out what my inner voice is guiding me to do.

Do you think this is correct thinking on my part?

Again, thank you for all you do here!

I'd have to know what you've read in regards to the pear tree comment. I can say that my way of talking about awakening has gradually changed through the years, so not everything I said in 2011 will be perfectly squared with how I write in 2019. That's just a sign that I've been growing. 🙂

I would say that therapists are a great first step to working on issues that you know about.

I recommend picking one or two spiritual tools work with and one or two ego issues to work on first.

I'd also point you to my starting out sections to answer more of your questions on how to start and do inner work as well as my ebook:

Starting Out Section

Everyday Spirituality: Cultivating an Awakening

Thank you for your time and attention in maintaining this blog; it has been very helpful to me as I come upon this new discovery of a thing called a spiritual path. I'm very confused about something, though.

My basic question is, you say at many points in this blog that one shouldn't seek a spiritual awakening for healing purposes because ego wounds need to be dealt with separately, and in fact a spiritual awakening sheds a bright light on those ego issues. (One image from one of your posts is seared in my brain, that after a spiritual awakening if deep wounds haven't been healed the ego "cries out" and could lead to a YEARS long dark night of the soul.) But at other points you say a spiritual awakening occurs when the last ego issue falls away, like a pear falls from the tree. How do you square those two?

Basically, I'm very new to this and know I have major issues of self hate, fear, etc., and I've basically never felt a feeling before. I also fear the lack of security and familiarity and perhaps giving up my loving relationships and steady job, as you say the spiritual path entails. That being said, I seem to be restless just going after a relaxing family life and steady job and being of a little service to others. So it's almost like I feel I *have* to start down the spiritual path, but I'm also terrified I'll bring on a premature awakening and won't be able to handle it given the deep wounds (primarily, that I'm not worthy) that I know exist and I have no idea how to heal (and psychologists aren't really trained in that, either).

Do you have any thoughts on this? How does one begin the spiritual path when she knows she has much to heal and is worried about going too fast? Any response would be much appreciated.

Thank you.